A Heart-Wrenching Decision

I QUIT!
I have reached a decision concerning my attempt to be the first Feline-American President of the United States. It is not to be. Americans have yet to reach a point where they are sophisticated to realize that Feline-Americans are far superior beings. I plan to retain my blog and will be posting from time to time when I feel it is appropriate.

MY OFFICIAL ENDORSEMENT
I am pleased, though, to announce that I am officially endorsing John McCain for President of the United states of America. While I feel he is a most excellent choice, my final decision was made because of the love his wife, Cindy McCain has for Non-Human-American of all shapes, sizes, and species. It is my opinion that she will be a very strong advocate for all Feline-Americans, Canine-Americans, and other Non-Human Americans.

Now leave me alone. I need a nap!

DOC HOLIDAY'S CHRISTMAS GREETINGS

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM MY FAMILY TO YOURS

Merry Christmas! My little niece has just discovered c-nip! Christmas is not a time for political campaigns.
It is a time for celebrating with one's family.

MOMMY CAT: THE SCANDAL CONTINUES

AN ADDITIONAL STATEMENT BY DOC HOLIDAY

(stalked by Rumsfeld)

I have reached the point in this whole mess where I have come to the conclusion that Rumsfeld and Mommy Cat must deal with their private, personal life, and I am asking the press and my supporters and detractors to honor the privacy of my family. As I refuse to claim any relationship with Rumsfeld and Mommy Cat is an adopted niece, I hardly see where their scandalous behavior reflects poorly on either my personal life, my judgment, or my campaign to be the first Feline-American President of the United States of America. I feel it is time my family is allowed to have some privacy as we deal with this potentially embarrassing problem. Further, I do feel additional inquiries into the paternity of the four kittens could only cause undue stress not only on Mommy Cat while she is so purrfectly caring for the little family, but could stigmatize the kittens later in life. I also feel it is not necessary at this time to needlessly speculate as to the genetic damage that may have been inflected on the four little tykes.

Doc Holiday
Purrfect for America

SCANDAL ROCKS DOC HOLIDAY CAMPAIGN

Doc Holiday and Mommy Cat in happier times.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
A Statement from Doc Holiday
Purrfect for America!

I am shocked over the growing scandal over the birth of Mommy Cat's kittens and her ongoing and alleged marriage to Rumsfeld, my co-chair of Dogs for Doc. Allegations are surfacing that Rumsfeld is not the father of the kittens, born on November 5, 2007. In an effort to be truthful with my Feline-American constituents and in an attempt to stop this growing scandal from taking over the campaign, I am forced to admit that it is biologically impossible for Rumsfeld to father children. Further, anyone with half a brain realizes that Rumsfeld is a Canine-American and Mommy Cat is a Feline-American. For Rumsfeld to father this current litter is simply impossible. If he wishes to delude himself into thinking that he is indeed the father, then There is nothing an do about it. He is a poodle. It is impossible to expect rational or logical behavior or thoughts out of poodles. They are incapable of it.

Mommy Cat is like a kitten to me. Indeed, when she was rescued, I was her primary care-giver. I love and cherish her as if she were one of my own. I am unhappy with the current state of affairs, but it is for Mommy Cat to come clean and name the father of her current litter. I fear...oh well, we won't go there.

We all know Rumsfeld is making a purrfect ass out of himself over the birth of these kittens. I just don't know what else to say about it, other than just ignore him.

my future plans
I have been traveling through-out this great nation of ours, quietly, with no fanfare, no cameras, and only a minimal staff to help me keep track of reservations, and Feline-Americans I've had the honor to meet. I've come to some interesting conclusions about The Vicious Deer Problem and am going to be announcing a SUMMIT formulate a unified front against the growing and possible terror threat from these entities. I am also retracting my previous comments about them. I now feel they are a growing threat against the well-being of all Feline-Americans.

You will be hearing more about this in the near future.

ON HUMAN-AMERICAN INTERACTION

Sorry for not keeping in touch the way I should, but I have had a busy week interacting with Human-Americans and campaigning. I've discovered that Human-Americans need much attention and inter-action. I think it is a lesson we Feline-Americans have a tendency to forget. So, swallowing my pride, I have been busy dealing with Human-American interactions. Trust me it is a very dirty job but I am just the Feline-American to do it. It has also come to my attention that perhaps all of us running for the office of POTUS who are Feline-Americans have ignored the issue of Human-Feline interaction. I think perhaps we must simply allow Human-Americans to bestow love and adoration upon us. It is so good for them. I've been doing some serious research on the subject and have discovered that Human-Americans require constant attention from us, especially when they are doing intricate tasks. Human-Americans have such a limited attention span that I believe it is our lot in life to help them manage their time wisely. Take my Human-American staff. If I did not sit right on their writing table, and literally keep my front paws on the Mac-Book Pro, nothing, and I reiterate NOTHING would be accomplished. So, when I could be out campaigning and dealing with the future of the United States of America, where am I? I am sitting there, watching every stroke of that Human-American's hands. Then, on top of that, I must keep my eyes on the computer screen to make sure there are no mistakes. When mistakes are made I simply must slap those fingers. When the Human-American staff rebels and moves my paws from off the computer, I must teach said staff a lesson and take a nip on top of those busy little hands. (sigh) It is so difficult. I am exhausted. There are times when I simply and literally fall asleep sitting there. Not two feet away from me Bat Masterson is napping in his Amazon.com box, playing with the Ultimate Cat toy when he happens to wake up every once in awhile. But me, no I am using my nap time to insure my Human-American staff does their proper blog posting.

I digress. I think we need to face the fact that Human-Americans are a serious problem for us. We must sleep with them. We must constantly wrap ourselves around their feet and legs when they walk. We must sit by the bathroom lavatory when they (yuck) brush their teeth and put on make-up and offer honest, but gentle criticisms. If necessary, there are times when we must smack the mascara want from their hands. The same thing holds true for nail-polish. (sigh). Human-Americans are just so insecure. They need our never-ending reassurance. They need us to sit on the edge of the bathtub and test the bubbles. We must constantly taste-test the new shoots on the asparagas fern to see if they are growing properly. I still don't know why they want us digging around in the big plant pot, spreading black potting-soil on the floor. It is dirty and messy. But - they want us to do it.

I am exhausted just thinking about all of this. I want a nap, but my Human-American staff requires that I lay here with my elbow resting on the elbow. I could be in my comfortable, warm bed, but noooo I must nurse the growth of this blog.

I'm not even discussing the fact that they demand we purr for them. Give me a break!

Human-Americans, sometimes can't live with them, but we can't live without them.

Until later (yawn);
Doc Holiday
Purrfect for America

DOC'S DEBATE ANSWERS

Doc Holiday & aide, Bat Masterson work on
the Great Feline-American Debate Answers
THE GREAT FELINE-AMERICAN DEBATE
MY REBUTTAL ANSWERS
PART 1

Skeezix Scratching Post

FOR CHEYSULI
CHEY'S PLACE
HER QUESTION: “When he speaks of personal responsibility for our food, is he saying we shouldn't have tighter standards for food and for food labeling.”

DOC’S ANSWER:

(smiles wryly)

First, I don’t know how to handle this without sounding like the Democratic Party front-runner, but I am a FEMALE FELINE-AMERICAN. In fact, one leading Republican Party activist has declared “’Doc Holiday or Hillary Clinton? America's Fate Lies in Balance.’” While I come from a staunch Republican-American genealogical background, I am honored to be considered a serious competitor to a very strong, powerful Democrat-American.

(big smile)

Now, back to Cheysuli’s question:

There are times when we forget to state the obvious and assume (ass-you-me) everyone knows certain things are part of the equation. And thus I incorrectly assumed very strict labeling of not only nutritional content, but point of origin for ALL ingredients would be part of that labeling.

My Human-American grandfather once owned a small flour mill back in South Carolina, where my Human-American family were staunch supporters of Senator Lindsey Graham. When I am elected President of the United States I will need the support of such good people to pass my purrfect legislative agenda for America.

My Human-American grandfather was constantly complaining about all the labeling and requirements on packaging. He was right about the intrusive role of the FDA (Food and Drug Administration), but he was also very much aware they were there to protect us. If the FDA did not require strict labeling on food for Human-Americans many Human-Americans would meet the same fate as so many of our beloved Feline (and Canine) – American family members.

(eyes tear, a single tear slips down her face, which is wiped away with a paw)

As you know my beloved twin sister, GeorgieW and precious little niece, Miss Piggy were both the victims of what amounts to nothing but corporate greed. I have heard my Human-American grandfather tell many stories about food products that were condemned for Human-American consumption but big corporations would cheat and use them anyway.

Strict labeling is a burden on the independent Business-American, but it is a necessary evil to keep everyone safe.

(stares at camera)

There is another issue here that we Feline-Americans are skirting, and that is the fact that there is this unspoken aura of Feline & Canine-American discrimination because nothing has yet to be actually enacted to protect us, by proper labeling. I am wondering if this is a food safety issue or an issue of rank discrimination.

CHEYSULI’S SECOND QUESTION: “For Skittles and Doc Holiday: Do all of you really get that thing stuck in your booty?! My goodness.”

DOC’S ANSWER

(shudder)

(smile)

I must admit, I’ve only been subjected to the indignation one time in my purrfect existence (that I can remember). I am in excellent health, contrary to what some annoying little Poodle-Americans are saying on the web. When I was a Kitten-American I had a few of the usual child-hood diseases and was subjected to such torture devices at the hand of Dr. Franklin, but as an adult, I’ve been blessed with excellent health and have not endured this indignation.

CHEYSULI’S THIRD QUESTION: Doc: Certainly I have no problems with live and let live for the deer. I am a Buddhist. However, cats are terrified. What are you planning to do calm the masses?

DOC’S ANSWER

(sigh)

Cat nip?

(laughter)

Seriously, I am well aware that Deer-Americans can be vicious when angered, and are a threat to Feline-Americans everywhere when we are riding in a Human-American vehicle and a Dear-American decides on a suicidal kamikaze attack. And those big things on their heads are just plain ugly. Have you ever seen Bambi? They can do scary things with those things. But no self-respecting Feline-American should get anywhere near those disgusting things. As for calming mass hysteria, I don’t know what to say. Perhaps, “Get a grip?”

We are Feline-Americans for goodness sake. We are the superior beings. It is time we act like it. Hold your head up and be proud of who you are. If you have a Deer-American phobia, deal with it and admit it is a phobia.

Once upon a time, in a country called “France” Humans there thought we Felines were tools of the Devil. They would go out en masse to kill Felines. I just don’t want to see this happen here with Deer-Americans. They have enough problems.

CATO'S CREATURES OF THE EARTH
CATO’S QUESTIONS: Doc Holliday your name sake (John Henry (Doc) Holliday) was a known killer (gunslinger), compulsive gambler and alcoholic. His history shows that alcoholism played a part in his violent temper, his gambling; and his abuse of the substance may have been due to the fact that he was slowly dying from a disease (consumption) given to him by his mother. My question to you is this: Should alcohol be classified as an illicit drug and outlawed?

DOC’S ANSWERS

(smiles)

(looks directly into camera)

First, I am very proud of my name. When I was a baby, my Human-American mommy gave me my name because I was so tiny and helpless and I needed a strong name and reputation to keep me safe. My Human-American mommy writes books about Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday.

John Henry Holiday is a very mis-understood Human-American. I know he was neither a compulsive gambler, “gunslinger” or alcoholic. Doc was a gun-fighter. There’s a difference between a gunslinger and a gun-fighter. The drug of choice for Tuberculosis in the 1880’s was laudanum, an opiate. Instead of drugging himself into a stupor with laudanum, Doc chose whiskey to help deal with the symptoms of the disease.

Doc supported himself as a gambler. During his day, gambling, especially poker, a game in which he excelled, was a “gentleman’s” game and sport and was considered an honorable profession. There was an aura of romance to it, during those days. Doc had a reputation as an excellent poker player and usually managed to live a very well-off life-style because of his talents.

Interestingly, Doc Holiday’s life story was told by his cousin in another novel. Doc was very much in love with his 1st cousin, Mattie. When he was diagnosed with TB, rather than contaminate her, he left Atlanta and fled to Dallas where he lived near other Holiday relatives. As the years went by, they kept in touch. Eventually Mattie became a nun. Her name was Sister Mary Melanie. Because of Doc, she cared for every derelict, every drunk, every man down on his luck. She was considered an angle for her goodness and kindness. Doc & Mattie had a cousin who wanted to write a book about Atlanta. The one thing she wanted to do was tell the story of Mattie (Melanie). When she wrote her book, she turned Mattie’s life into one of the most beloved characters in Human-American literature, Melanie Wilkes. Doc’s story was told in the character of Rhett Butler.

Margaret Mitchell based her entire book on the story of Doc Holiday’s family. When Doc was kid growing up in war-torn Valdosta, his nurse-made, “Mammy” taught he and his cousins how to play poker. This same nurse, beloved by the family, became “Mammy” in Gone with the Wind. One day, when Doc’s sisters needed new dresses for a big party, and they could afford none, Mammy pulled down the green velvet drapes and made beautiful party gowns for them. During the burning of Atlanta, Doc’s cousins drove a buggy through the burning town, fighting off attacking Yankee soldiers, hiding, and fighting for survival. It took them over a month to reach the safety of the family in Valdosta.

So you see, I am very proud of my name and my image. The only reason Doc allegedly had a temper was because he was just trying to stay alive. He was involved n several incidents and killings, but he enhanced the stories to create a reputation as a dangerous killer so people would leave him alone.

(looks directly into camera)

I do not believe in the prohibition of alcohol any more than I believe in the prohibition of cat-nip. Doc Holiday would not approve.

(looks very serious)

SKITTLES & SLYCAT 2008

SKITTLES QUESTION: Doc: If the COOL Act is not enforced, what good does reading a label do?

DOC’S ANSWER

(sighs)

As a moderately, liberal, conservative Republican I prefer market forces rather than government interference. I also do not approve of a tremendous amount of government spending and funding of any number of programs, defense and NASA being the exception. I think the very best way to enforce the Cook Act is public education and market forces. Human-Americans love us very much. In the UK there are some who say the Brits love their Pet-British Subjects better than their own Children-British-Subjects.

This said, I think the power of the pocket book and purchasing food from companies who self label is the optimum way to go, if possible.

(looks stern)

SKITTLES QUESTION: Doc: Since you do not believe deer are a vicious menace, do you feel you may be out of touch with a major segment of your constituents, who do in fact feel intimidated by deer?

DOC’S ANSWER:

(shakes her head)

(looks directly into camera)

I live in town. While there are Deer-Americans around me, there are none in my general vicinity. I do know that my Human-American grandparents feed Deer-Americans where they live. From what I’ve been told the Feline-Americans and Deer-Americans live in peaceful co-existence.

Quite frankly, I think many Feline-Americans are giving in to mass hysteria. I think it would behoove us to look beyond the hystaria of the madding crowd and deal with serious dangers.

(shakes her head)

I truly feel if this continues, Deer-Americans will become an oppressed majority, hunted, and used for abject meat and road-kill.

(glares at camera)

My dear Feline-Americans do not be deluded into fearing beings who can do relatively little damage to Feline-Americans unless, like I said earlier, they are in a Human-American’s motor vehicle and a Deer-American attempts suicide.

The greater danger is from the psychopathic mauradings of outlaw Coyote-Americans.

(a tear escapes, she wipes her eye with a paw)

I, personally have lost a number of relatives to Psychopathic Coyote-Americans. They are terrorists. They prowl and strike when we are at our most vulnerable.

Pig Boulden has personally lost three Feline-American siblings to Terrorist Coyote-Americans. They prowl around the park in Memphis, waiting for innocent Feline-Americans to go out for an early morning walk. Then they strike.

(looks grim)

Do you know what Terrorist Coyote-Americans do to Feline-Americans.
(shudders)

It is violent. They literally rip the stomach out of a still living Feline-American, then devour it, while the Feline-American is still fighting to surivive.

(gulps, looks sickened)

How can you talk to me about the anticts of a few Deer-Americans when thousands upon thousands of our Feline-American relatives are murdered on a daily basis by Terrorist Coyote-American psychopaths.

(looks angry)

As far as I am concerned, we need to kill them all.

(pauses for effect)

Then, we also have a problem with Raccoon-Americans. My Human-American grandparents have lost at least a half dozen of their Feline-Americans to the depravations of Raccoon-Americans. They prey on innocent kittens, devouring them, while the kittens are still alive.

(furious)

And all anyone can do is piddle in their litter boxes about vicious Deer-Americans.

Get a grip and grow up. Face reality.

(pauses)

(sighs)

(a slight smile)

Once again I want to thank the Gracious Skeezix for hosting this historic event. I also want to thank my worthy opponents Skittles, Chey, and Cato for their most excellent answers and probing questions. I just wish our Human-American opponents could be as gracious and candid as we have been.

(smiles slightly)

This has been a truly historic moment for Felines the world over. I am honored to be a part of it. Thank you. Good night, and may God bless the United States of America.

(puts paw over heart and nods graciously to audience, then visits with opponents)

WORKING ON DEBATE

I spent most of my Saturday working on my answers to the questions my opponents requested I answer during The Great Feline-American Presidential Debate. I was very impressed with the quality of and the difficulty of these questions along with they way they delve into our background. I think the thing that has impressed me the most is the fact that the probing quality of our debate questions is far superior to that of the seemingly unending debates our Human-American counterparts are having.

Once again, I want to thank Skeezix for having the vision to plan, execute, and host these historic debates and to my most worthy opponents Cato, Skittles, and Cheysuli (Chey).

Doc Holiday
Purrfect for America

THE GREAT FELINE DEBATE - SATURDAY UPDATE

THE GREAT FELINE-AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
PART II
MY QUESTIONS & COMMENTS


(looks directly at camera)

First, I want to thank Skeezix for so graciously hosting this historic event. Never in the history of the civilized world, to my knowledge, have Feline-Americans been given the opportunity to rise so high in public life and in responsibility. While we have had numerous Feline-Americans who have been in the position of “First Cat”, we have never had the opportunity to rise above that pandering position and seek out an actual position of power. Skeezix has had the vision to facilitate this momentous moment in history by sponsoring these debates. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am humbled to be among such Feline-American pioneers as Skittles, Chey, Cato, and Cheysuli.

I like honesty.

(stares into the camera)

Because of my philosophy in life, I feel I must make one quick comment. Is it possible Feline-Americans are now giving in to mass hysteria over the issue of alleged Deer-American viciousness. I truly fear this hysteria will turn in to actual discrimination. We have only to look at the plight of Skunk-Americans to see where this is going.

(looks stern)

We are Feline-Americans. We are the superior entities. It is time to act like it. The only thing we should be afraid of is the occasional leaf.

(buzzer)

I see that I am over my allotted 200. But, I must add, in all honesty, the only Americans I feel should be discriminated against are certain Poodle-Americans and Pug-Americans. Other than that. Live and let die. (song favored by the Human-American Staff)

Now, my questions. Rather than ask specific questions of my very worthy opponents, I would rather ask three general questions and request all of my opponents answer them. I will also answer.

1. What is your opinion of mandatory spay & neuter city ordinances?
2. If you wear a collar, would you be willing to wear an American flag charm?
3. I would also like to ask each of my opponents what their personal catnip preferences and habits are.
(looks very stern) We are living in treacherous times. Should the President of the United States be allowed to consume cat-nip, or any other substance that might hinder their judgment?

(smiles for the camera)

GETTING READY FOR THE DEBATE

First, I want to apologize to my supporters for not being more active this week. I've been dealing with a nasty fur-ball, and I don't mean Rumsfeld. I am very annoyed with the little attack he and "Pig" Boulden hit me with this week, but my advisors and I feel all we need to do is consider the source.

The "Pig" Boulden incident was a tragic affair. Had I known how severely the little monster would have been injured I would have never lashed out with my finger-nails in such a protective manner. But, consider my side of the story. I had never met a hyper puppy before. It was an entirely new and very unsettling experienced. He invaded my home. He chased me under the sofa, then decided to go up under the sofa to yap at me. I will leave judgment up to you.

As you can see by the photo, I've not had a good week. But I am well aware this is what all candidates must face, even the Human-American ones.

I feel well prepared for the debate. I will be spending the remainder of the day napping. I just hope I do not have more furball problems during the debate.

If you notice the rolled magazine on the table in the photo. I must keep it at hand constantly, just to deal with Rumsfeld!

I've also personally answered each and every comment. I feel it is important to remain in touch with my followers. Please - THIS IS YOUR CAMPAIGN! I need to know what you are thinking and feeling, and what issues are important to you!

Until tomorrow!

Doc Holiday
Purrfect for America

THE GREAT FELINE-AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

First, I wish to thank the host of this debate, Sheezix
and my gracious and highly qualified opponents Cato,Cheysuli, and Skittles. I find my opponents to be honorable Feline-Americans who are truly interested in helping all Feline-Americans. I also feel they are without personal agenda or ambition and are truly great Feline-Americans. Human-Americans should be so lucky!

MY FULL DEBATE ANSWERS

1. What would you do to ensure the safety of our food supply?

First, I want to thank you for allowing me to participate in this debate. I think it is very important for Feline-Americans to discuss, in a logical, calm, and rational manner the things that are important to us and to our staff.

(sob)

My beloved twin sister, GeorgieW died of liver failure due to Pet Food Poisoning. Then, a few months later, my beloved, and adorable little niece, Miss Piggy, who was less than six months old died of the same thing.

(sob)

(wipes eye with paw)

(looks directly into camera)

Unfortunately, in this age of corporate greed and irresponsibility, it is impossible for Feline-Americans to patrol the entire food supply. We must accept our limitations and learn to live within them. My personal choice is not to outsource our food to countries where there is no oversight of product, manufacturing, and exportation. I don’t think this is just a Feline-American problem. I know of Canine-Americans who have the same issues. And just recently I saw a news report about contaminated toys for Children-Americans.

This is a problem for every American regardless if they have two or four legs. We must stand together and fight this injustice as a unified nation. One for all and all for one…

This said, I think it is important for each and every one of us both two and four legged to take personal responsibility for what we consume. Unfortunately, Human-Americans still control the status-quo. Therefore, it is up to our Human-American Staff to insure our safety.

It is up to our Human-American Staff to learn how to read (if they do not). They must take it upon themselves to police all food, even what they consume. They must read labels. They must listen to the news and insure the safety of everyone within their homes. When I see Human-American Staff purchasing food we all know is questionable and they have not paid attention to the latest warnings, it makes me want to slash out..

(flexes claws)

in anger….!


2. Should there be alternative temperature-taking methods instead of up your booty?

(growls, flexes claws)

It is terribly important for Feline-Americans to maintain our dignity at all times. One of the greatest affronts to that dignity is the way Feline-Americans must be subjected to the indignity of not only this method of temperature-taking, but other medical procedures.

Unfortunately, we must balance our demands with dignity

(looks into camera)

we must balance our need for dignity with health care that is effective. In this day and age of Pet Food Poisoning and the side effects, I currently do not know of any reasonable alternative.

(sighs)

I am afraid we must balance the need for constant dignity with that of life. If having one of those thermometer things shoved up my you know what will save my life, well like my Human-American’s sibling told her several days ago, “shut up already yet and deal with it like an adult.”

(flexes claws)

Of course, no one ever told our Human-American medical staff that this procedure must be painless for them.

(smiles)


3. Whut's yer pozishun on the vishus deer menniss, and whut do yoo plan to do abowt it?

Unfortunately my position on vicious deer will probably be unpopular with some of my Feline-American supporters. With the exception of Rumsfeld, who is the most annoying poodle in the world, I take a live and let live position when it comes to most Americans, including Deer-Americans.

I feel sorry for Deer-Americans. They are breeding faster than Rabbit-Americans and get less respect. In many ways they are treated like an unwanted minority, discriminated against, and subjected to such Human-American welfare and food-handouts that they cannot fend for themselves.

Let’s face it, Deer-Americans are dumb. They are constantly throwing themselves at Human-American vehicles. Why, I do not know. It appears to be some sort of Deer-American death wish or mass suicide.

No, Deer-Americans are not to be feared, they are to be pitied.

(looks at camera)

I want to thank the moderators of this debate for their insightful questions. Voting is a privilege. Behaving like good Americans is more than a privilege, it is our duty. If my actions here this evening and during this campaign can serve as an inspiration to other Feline-Americans to give of themselves for the good of this great nation of ours, then I am honored to serve. Good evening and may God Bless the United States!