Saturday, September 29, 2007

THE GREAT FELINE-AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

First, I wish to thank the host of this debate, Sheezix
and my gracious and highly qualified opponents Cato,Cheysuli, and Skittles. I find my opponents to be honorable Feline-Americans who are truly interested in helping all Feline-Americans. I also feel they are without personal agenda or ambition and are truly great Feline-Americans. Human-Americans should be so lucky!

MY FULL DEBATE ANSWERS

1. What would you do to ensure the safety of our food supply?

First, I want to thank you for allowing me to participate in this debate. I think it is very important for Feline-Americans to discuss, in a logical, calm, and rational manner the things that are important to us and to our staff.

(sob)

My beloved twin sister, GeorgieW died of liver failure due to Pet Food Poisoning. Then, a few months later, my beloved, and adorable little niece, Miss Piggy, who was less than six months old died of the same thing.

(sob)

(wipes eye with paw)

(looks directly into camera)

Unfortunately, in this age of corporate greed and irresponsibility, it is impossible for Feline-Americans to patrol the entire food supply. We must accept our limitations and learn to live within them. My personal choice is not to outsource our food to countries where there is no oversight of product, manufacturing, and exportation. I don’t think this is just a Feline-American problem. I know of Canine-Americans who have the same issues. And just recently I saw a news report about contaminated toys for Children-Americans.

This is a problem for every American regardless if they have two or four legs. We must stand together and fight this injustice as a unified nation. One for all and all for one…

This said, I think it is important for each and every one of us both two and four legged to take personal responsibility for what we consume. Unfortunately, Human-Americans still control the status-quo. Therefore, it is up to our Human-American Staff to insure our safety.

It is up to our Human-American Staff to learn how to read (if they do not). They must take it upon themselves to police all food, even what they consume. They must read labels. They must listen to the news and insure the safety of everyone within their homes. When I see Human-American Staff purchasing food we all know is questionable and they have not paid attention to the latest warnings, it makes me want to slash out..

(flexes claws)

in anger….!


2. Should there be alternative temperature-taking methods instead of up your booty?

(growls, flexes claws)

It is terribly important for Feline-Americans to maintain our dignity at all times. One of the greatest affronts to that dignity is the way Feline-Americans must be subjected to the indignity of not only this method of temperature-taking, but other medical procedures.

Unfortunately, we must balance our demands with dignity

(looks into camera)

we must balance our need for dignity with health care that is effective. In this day and age of Pet Food Poisoning and the side effects, I currently do not know of any reasonable alternative.

(sighs)

I am afraid we must balance the need for constant dignity with that of life. If having one of those thermometer things shoved up my you know what will save my life, well like my Human-American’s sibling told her several days ago, “shut up already yet and deal with it like an adult.”

(flexes claws)

Of course, no one ever told our Human-American medical staff that this procedure must be painless for them.

(smiles)


3. Whut's yer pozishun on the vishus deer menniss, and whut do yoo plan to do abowt it?

Unfortunately my position on vicious deer will probably be unpopular with some of my Feline-American supporters. With the exception of Rumsfeld, who is the most annoying poodle in the world, I take a live and let live position when it comes to most Americans, including Deer-Americans.

I feel sorry for Deer-Americans. They are breeding faster than Rabbit-Americans and get less respect. In many ways they are treated like an unwanted minority, discriminated against, and subjected to such Human-American welfare and food-handouts that they cannot fend for themselves.

Let’s face it, Deer-Americans are dumb. They are constantly throwing themselves at Human-American vehicles. Why, I do not know. It appears to be some sort of Deer-American death wish or mass suicide.

No, Deer-Americans are not to be feared, they are to be pitied.

(looks at camera)

I want to thank the moderators of this debate for their insightful questions. Voting is a privilege. Behaving like good Americans is more than a privilege, it is our duty. If my actions here this evening and during this campaign can serve as an inspiration to other Feline-Americans to give of themselves for the good of this great nation of ours, then I am honored to serve. Good evening and may God Bless the United States!

5 comments:

Ramses said...

Very good responses to all the questions! Sometimes I feel very privileged to be a Feline-Brit, 'cause we've not had to suffer as badly as you our Feline-American cousins!

jh an Mickey Mantle said...

deer doc,
i reelee luved reedin yer hartfelt an intelligent anserz to sum verree sereeyus ishyooz.
thank u.
yerz troolee--jh

Caesar and Princess said...

Deeer Doc, we feel pretty closely tied to the moderately liberal conservative types. We are good old Virginia kitties. You just might be our man for the job!
You did very well in the deebates. we sensed a great deal of honestly and sincerity in your answers.

Good luck in the race!

~~Caesar and Princess

The Crew said...

Congratz, Doc, on your fine performance in the first debate. We're very glad you were able to participate!

Skeezy said...

Doc, cood yoo send me yer emale adress so I can send yoo the gidelines for this weekend's deebate reebuttuls?? My adress is skeezix AT skeezixthecat DOT com